Tuesday, October 1, 2013

oh hey there.

you guys, i guess, if anybody is still out there....
i've been absent for way too long.

i don't really have any excuses, just to say that my blogger mind was turned off.
i have been a little preoccupied.
and as much as i still obsess over really great decor and junk (hello pinterest, i was never far from there), i just wasn't focused enough to bring you anything worthwhile.
i still thought about here, and you, and missed it occasionally but....

i'm actually expecting a lil baby. in mid-march!
and i'm like, insane excited! (and very insanely insane nervous.)
there is alot of back story behind the nervous part.
but i try so hard to just focus, and my husband too, on the excited.

starting a family hasn't been the easiest road for the two of us.
there were road blocks, then ups, then downs, and finally, after a goooood long time, we are here.
i am 16 weeks and things are looking pretty great!
lil nugget is healthy (as far as we can tell), she/he's passed all the tests so far, and!! the sickness is finally letting up. i still get waves of gross, but honestly, i kinda cherish(ed) it.
being morning (noon, evening, night, middle of the night) sick meant that my baby was healthy and sending out tons of prego hormones that in turn made me feel sick. so, when i felt sick, i felt good about it.
it's weird, i know.

this is the first real "hey!! i'm having a baby!" for me. and it's a little stress inducing, honestly.
if you follow me on instagram, i guess i haven't been keeping it a secret there, but facebook still isn't any wiser. and i actually think i like it that way, at least for now. (here comes a tangent.) i just don't like fb. and i'm sure you do, bc i'm sure i'm the only one who doesn't, but we just don't get along very well. so i side-eye it and keep a little distance.

my husband and i have been so nervous (more so in the beginning, less and less so now but it's definitely still there) that things weren't going to end the way we hope and pray. when a women gets preg, she's like hell yeah. in 9 months i'll have a baby to hold! but sometimes that doesn't happen for whatever God's reasons are, and it smarts like you wouldn't even believe. and so.
when the miracle of life happens again, your naivety has been robbed and you're cautious. even more than, you're down right scared.

we didn't even tell our families until we were 10.5 weeks. and close friends not until 12, not even my besties! and everyone else, we've been trickling out the good news since.
and there's no hiding it now with a belly that looks like a chipotle burrito and a half!
but that's one tough secret to keep in the summer time. seriously. fruity cocktails and teeny bikinis are lurking around every corner!

so. along with the nerves, has been my reluctance to purchase anything for baby.
until today!


after work i'm headed to pick up this beauty.
thanks, friend craigslist.

to snuggle and feed and rock my little nugget in for days and nights on end.
vintage and quirky and wooden perfectness,
that fits in perfectly in both of my secret pinterest boards. one girl, and one boy.

i think this was the beginning and now, maybe the flood gates have been opened?! ha.

and in true fashion, the whole time i was writing this, i was thinking to myself... gosh. i probably shouldn't be doing this. so if i could ask you for anything, just keep us in your prayers. hopefully God's plans and our plans are aligned and come mid-march, i'll meet him or her.

and so there you have it.
a nice little essay for my first day back in like 2 months.